Grading: A/1/1
Intelligence indicates that members of OCG ‘The Gang of F**kers’ are conspiring to cause harm to the person and reputation of Happy MONKEY (25/10/??).
Sources indicate that this is to be done by convincing ‘The SHOPKEEPER’ (NFD) that MONKEY is, and has been, stealing from ‘The Tuck Shop’ and is generally taking the piss.
Methods are likely to include planting empty chocolate wrappers/Coke cans in MONKEY’s workspace, making false claims to have seen him stealing from the ‘The Tuck Shop’ and laughing to the OCG about it, and claiming that MONKEY has been making abusive remarks about The SHOPKEEPER..
The OCG includes known nominals ‘Phil Collins’, ‘The Prankster’, ‘The Fluffer’ and ‘The Strawbinator’.
Sources connected to the OCG say their motives are lol-based, in particular with reference to ‘pushing The SHOPKEEPER over the edge and making him actually flip out and give MONKEY a few digs‘.
This conspiracy would appear to have been in place for at least a week, and indications are that The SHOPKEEPER is already close to tipping point.
DISSEMINATE TO: Public Protection Unit, Witness Protection.
Intelligence Report: Conspiracy against Monkey
Posted on October 23, 2010
Happy as a Monkey 
Nik
October 25, 2010
Monkey I am shocked, even appalled, to see that such a grievous threat to the nation’s wellbeing has been ignored by the recent National Security Spook Strategy Something-or-other.
This is clearly a Tier 1 threat alongside cyberterrorism, toe stubbing and interruption of the Hob Nob supply chain. I shall petition Thames House immediately for a prompt revision to the nation’s strategy.
As a stop-gap measure might I suggest the use of a Kinetic Attitude Re-alignment Tool? I believe most constabularies have a ready supply. For application advice I suggest you review the movie “Casino” (“which hand do you steal biscuits with?”).
Nik
PS amused to note that the “Possibly related posts” for your latest are “New FBI Central American Gang Intelligence Program” and “The torture briefing”. Most appropriate
happyasamonkey
October 25, 2010
I feel so threatened by it that I’ve had to take a few days off to go into hiding. I’m glad that you’re taking it seriously though – if the worst should happen to me, this post will be vital in court.
They’re good ‘related posts’ 🙂
pwnerer
October 30, 2010
Surely the best way to combat this and still cause ‘The Shopkeeper’ some mild anxiety, would be to buy lots of items sold by said shopkeeper and re-stock his larder. Then no matter how hard he tries to sell everything, his stock would just get larger.
Now whilst causing some lols the downside is it may cost you in re-supplying – but hey what cost a good jape!!!