Be careful what you search for…

Posted on May 14, 2010

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People are strange. I don’t think I’m making any grand revelation by pointing that out, but I do feel that when you rummage inside people’s computers on a daily basis, you get a unique insight into the spirals of strangeness that exist inside the human head.

Nowhere is this more true than in Google search terms. I know that I use Google for the simplest question these days: “should I have another pickled egg” is one occasion where it fails to give me an answer, which I’ll take as an affirmative. Nom. There’s good comedy to be had in the things that people ask the Internet though – the genius at XKCD realised this a couple of years ago and whoever’s collating the weirder side of Yahoo Answers is certainly sitting on a rich seam of freakery.

Anyway. I asked y’all a couple of days ago if you could provide me with some lolzy Google search terms that you’ve either encountered in work or through referrers on websites that you run, and you came up trumps. What follows are mostly your submissions, mixed up and randomised. Enjoy.

  • ‘buttocks’, ‘bacon’ and ‘candle’ (not a search term, but apparently they all had to be used in a single sentence of a statement)
  • “sexual depravity”
  • Atari porn
  • baboon kilt
  • barry gibb lookalikes
  • bursting spots videos
  • busty polish girls on roofs
  • cutiespankee password
  • dffrent hulls and the force it takes to move a boat at the same
  • Does David like bitty (for those not familiar with the term, ‘bitty’ was coined by the ‘Little Britain’ TV show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8orUaCJ0GY)
  • drinkable monkey piss
  • eskimo porn
  • Flesh coloured punkture kit
  • hit headlines peodofile dwarf dressed as clown in young childs rom
  • how not to break in police interrogation
  • how to dress up a dog like a bee
  • how to know if my girlfriend is shagging a dutchman
  • how to make my girlfrend be a paranered scitsafrenick
  • i want a blow job i live in gosport
  • im inocent indecent pictures
  • ladies who show privats
  • lesbian winamp skins
  • make the jury on your side in court
  • milton keynes bukkake
  • My girlfriend fell out with me when the Dreamcast flopped
  • Vegetarian sex house london
  • warehouse of sex jet set bittorrent
  • What is the best way to calm yourself down
  • will my boyfriend go with a prostitute in amsterdam’s red light district
  • women wearing buttplug in supermarket

I’m sure you’ve all got some you’re withholding, so stick ’em in the comments.

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