It seems as if every educational establishment in the country is running courses in computer forensics these days. All of the universities within 100 miles of here are anyway, whether at bachelor’s or master’s level.
Qualifications are great and we should all have lots of them, but soon the market’s going to reach saturation point and everyone who’s interested will have a degree in CF. This is going to cause a trend for increasingly earlier levels of entry into the discipline, with A’ Levels and then GCSEs being offered in it (stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this).
I propose, as my next get-rich-quick scheme, to release a range of books aimed at kids aged nursery-7, teaching them the basics of computer forensics. Not just the nuts and bolts, but the stuff they need to learn if they’re to survive in the industry. Wave One of the plan will include:
- Wibbly Pig Can Decode Index.dat Entries from Unallocated – Can You?
In which Wibbly and Pigly explain a discrepancy between dates reported in Encase and FTK by opening a lump of data in WinHex and doing it the butch, manly way.
- Thomas and Friends Take Down the Fat Controller’s Server Room.
An anonymous source on the Island of Sodor has tipped off the authorities that the Quarry engines have been using red diesel! Under orders from HMRC, Thomas and James execute a warrant at the Fat Controller’s business promises – will they be able to balance getting the evidence they need with leaving the railway able to function as a business? And can they trust Percy, the little green sysadmin?
- Roo Goes Missing From Home
Pooh, Tigger and Owl have to react quickly when Kanga reports Roo missing from home. She says he’s been spending a lot of time on Facebook recently, but with Facebook showing little interest in a law enforcement request from outside the US, it’s down to the three friends to image his laptop’s RAM and decipher the hideous mess that Facebook vomits out to the client.
All ends well when Roo is found on the beach, selling rides on Eeyore.
- Mog’s Awkward Report
Mog the Cat explains to a client that according to recovered emails, the person leaking his company’s customer list also appears to be sleeping with his wife.
- Justin from Cbeebies gets locked in a cellar for 10 years.
Nothing to do with forensics, it just needs to happen.
- Postman Pat Embarrasses Himself
After two weeks of disk mapping and analysing MFT entries at Shrivenham, Pat has a few too many at the course dinner in the White Horse and makes a clumsy pass at a student from a neighbouring force. Will she make a complaint, or take it in good fun?
PC Plum Goes on a Course and Pimps Himself to the Private Sector Attendees for a Post-Retirement Job
- Rosie and Jim Serve a Section 49 RIPA Notice on a Paedophile
- Crocodile Clips and Duck Tape – Dr Seuss Introduces Extreme Pornography Legislation
- Harvey Oliver Cripples The Judicial Process (geddit?)
Any more? Comment me up, daddyo!
This one was brought to you with the help of Tiger beer and The Rolling Stones.