Son of Monkey has recently got heavily into Pokemon and, to a lesser extent, Yu-Gi-Oh. I’m a nerdy type of a guy in many ways (no, really!) but I have to admit that these things send me into a bit of a headspin and I’m afraid that I Just Don’t Get It.
I was flicking through some of his cards the other night, and thought that you could apply the principle to pretty much anything – get a character, assign it some characteristics, slap some abstract mathematics onto the gameplay and there you have it – a new card game, ready to play or trade. I started thinking of some of the different character types we encounter in our daily work at Monkeytown HTCU, and thought it might be fun to have a little dabble with making them into cards. So here they are – a few samples that you can extend and build on. The HP ratings aren’t very consistent and there isn’t much of a gameplay element, but I am after all just doing it for a few cheap lolz.
Click to embiggen.
LE Forensic AnalystAll-round freak
Asshat Journalist
Blasé Barrister
Counter-Terrorism Forensic Analyst
Evil Anti-Paedophile Establishment Conspiracy
First-time Paedo
Paedophile-advocate
Phone-dumper
Teenage OCG Member
Unicorn Hunter
I’m sure that y’all will have ideas of your own, so let’s have em in the comments below. Here’s the PSD file, based on one by ~Air-wave on DeviantArt in this thread. Any mangling of his template is my fault, because my Photoshop skillz are teh suck.
Girl, Unallocated
September 9, 2011
I don’t know much about the rules of Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh, but I do like a good game of Munchkin. Do High-Tech Crime Trading cards allow for items or locations? If items are allowed, I’d put my 2 cents in for Item: Pelican Case – +5 to Aura of Mystery but you lose a turn when you get delayed at Airport Security.
happyasamonkey
September 9, 2011
Ooh, I like it – can it be upgraded to Peli Case with Sandwich Compartment? I really should have done some more research into making it into a properly playable game, but a) I don’t play the games myself and would’ve been starting from scratch and b) I was going for cheap laughs. Munchkin does look like fun though – I’m familiar with Steve Jackson Games through their Illuminati card game, and I’ve got their edition of Principia Discordia.
Girl, Unallocated
September 9, 2011
Upgrade option with Sammich sounds awesome. I need one of those in RL.
Rage_and_Hairspray (@zeroesandones)
September 9, 2011
Good call on Munchkin. Some suggestions for item/effect cards:
The Virus Defence – + 1 day to proceedings, countered by any competent analyst who can sigh loudly without being held in contempt
Brand New Beast – Your new, top-of-the-line PC will increase productivity and smugness by 5 points, but increases the chance of your colleagues hiding the VFC dongles from you out of jealousy and spite.
The Good Shepherd
September 9, 2011
How about ‘New Techie’. Has to be good with salvaging old bits of computers by begging, borrowing or stealing from his new colleagues who had off the original parts in the first place! Then has to be good at report writing to get training courses that just sound like gobble-de-gook to management! For such an all rounder, he/she would have to have +100. Friends: Colleagues, Management & 3rd party suppliers! Enemies: Colleagues, Management & Up-coming paedo’s!!!
Nik
September 9, 2011
Entertaining as always. Can I politely request my own personal “non-asshat journo” card?
Nik
Aidan (@zeroesandones)
September 9, 2011
Great article! I have a few snarky suggestions for additional cards, but most involve personal attacks on those who have vexed me this week…
Simon Steggles (@Disklabs)
September 9, 2011
I am somewhat devastated that you missed out the Commercial/Private Forensic Analyst from your pack.
I imagine they would get 101 points.
Perhaps there could be the ‘do you know who I am – forensic analyst’, one who has such high beliefs in their ability, even though they get shot down time and time again?
Great post Monkey, one of the best. Keep it up!
happyasamonkey
September 10, 2011
Sometimes it’s not even a belief in their ability, just a belief in their own sheer importance and gravitas. Others seldom take them as seriously as they take themselves.
Not that I know anyone like that, of course.
faintingchicken
September 9, 2011
OMG and other stupid phrases – this is brilliant – can I just ask? Can I combine cards to get more points? There has obviously been tons of research into the various disciplines involved in DF. Can there be a card for Hi-Tech supervisors as well? They could have two levels – ones that directly supervise, but haven’t really got a clue, as we are just a step on the career ladder, and higher echelon managers, who really haven’t got the first idea what we do, but part of their portfolio is to streamline the department !!
happyasamonkey
September 10, 2011
Yeah, I think combo cards are allowed! I’ve got a few more ideas floating around for cards and seeing as this post has proved so popular I might post em up this weekend if I get a chance. I’ll take on any suggestion.
WeaselHunter
September 9, 2011
Love it Mr Monkey. What about a card for those incontinent, I mean incompetent colleagues who carry out searches (tap, tap) of suspects’ homes and contaminate the evidence thereby leaving forensicators to backtrace their actions?
happyasamonkey
September 10, 2011
Surely that would never happen, would it? Nah.
Geoff Fellows
September 10, 2011
You have taken me into a different and dreadful world, Monkey (again!). What on Earth is an HP???
In trying to find out I discover that an “Ancient Mew is a banned card with runic writing”, and that it is “a foreign card but it is not considered a foreign card in the Unlimited 2009-2010 Pokemon modified format”. (Wikipedia ‘Pokemon Trading Card Game’ article).
Like you, I just don’t get it, Monkey. I gather than HP stands for ‘Handbag Power’, reading between the lines, but did the Sainted Maggie ever play?
Chris walsh
September 15, 2011
How about a card for the Professional Standards / internal investigation unit DI. He/she would have to be depicted as a mythical multi headed beast in the style of Cerberus. Could be a monopoly ‘chance’ like card – do they seek favour or do they accuse you of evil deeds – it depends on which head speaks…..
happyasamonkey
September 15, 2011
Ooh good one! And you never really know which head is speaking, because they’re so cunning…
They’re usually good for OT, in their defence though.